Posted by Anonymous on 2013/07/12 under Uncategorized I have a lot to say. Im, conflicted with myself. I have to be the biggest appeaser in the world, Ill give people what they want. Theyll make me feel guilty, and then Ill be angry that they’re doing it, but still I give in. I won’t reach out to people, I feel like theyll be bothered with me. Sometimes I try but it just falls flat and I see that look on their face, “ohmygod please stop talking to me!” Im selfish, and emotionally immature. I give terrible advice. I have so much bottled up anger, it leaks at the most inappropriate times. I have two people I hang out with they’re best friends. I get left out of serious conversations, maybe they don’t trust me? I know I can keep a secret. I hate reality, and Ive stopped thinking about my future, but Im a senior now, and people ask questions, so I should be able to answer them right? I can’t. I dont know. Then there’s one of my sisters and no matter how hard I try I cant stop comparing myself to her. Im less than her and she is less than perfect. I have some morals. I don’t smoke or drink, because I have no desire to. I cant do something I know is wrong or I panic which I guess makes me loose my appeal to some people, I guess its good. I cant have a normal conversation with a guy Ive liked since the fifth grade. Hes a jerk most of the time but I still like him. He used to say things to me, it was a joke but it was one of my biggest insecurities regarding my sister. He didnt know it crushed me everytime he said it. When people laugh I think they’re laughing at me and I get really hot and it feels like pins are pricking my skin. Im always stuck at home feeling terrible about myself, and I know my sister gets annoyed when I talk about how embarrassed I get sometimes, but I cant help it. And I wanna be like her. A good friend good student and confident, physically fit and beautiful, its sonething Ive always dreamt of being and when I look in the mirror, Im so disappointed. Im alone. Cant even talk to my mom. We’re not that close. I believe God exists. I believe everything in the bible is true but I cant live it. I can’t change. God resists the proud no? I am prideful and I just get so unreasonably angry sometimes, or I get depressed and angry. I dont know anything about life. Im a terrible daughter. I wont do my chores because Im lazy yet Ill go clean someone else’s home. I feel treated differently and unfairly. I guess this’ll do for now. Thank you for reading -Jane